Dear Thief Who Broke into my Car Saturday Night,

Dear Thief Who Broke into my Car Saturday Night,

Besides the blatant fact that you are an asshole, I would like to take this time to thank you for being so considerate when you broke into my car Saturday night. I don't know if you remember me, so let me refresh your memory. It was a 1996 white Honda Civic DX parked in front of 2600 John F. Kennedy Blvd in Jersey City. You, walking by, must have first caught a glimpse of my car, an easy taget and then a mount attached to my windshield. Maybe you recognized what the mount was for, maybe not... regardless, the point is, instead of smashing my window to search for something valuable that may not even exist you gently shimmied the window down. (I take credit for this, since I am the one who purchased a car with manual windows) It was easy to do and since I also have manual door locks you were able to access my car rather easily. You unlocked the door and sat in the passenger seat, opened the glove box and there to your delight was an $800 portable GPS system, complete with car charger... oh and don't forget about the windshield mount, which you didn't. You grabbed it along with the BELKIM IPod charger (new $50). You then pulled everything out of the glove box, took a mini mag light set and closed the box. Leaning over, you popped the trunk... but first you noticed three pairs of sunglasses, all broken... and you snatched those up too.... after popping the trunk you scooted out of the car, rolling the window up a bit (in case it was going to rain) and closed the passenger door behind you. In the trunk you found an almost new bottle of Amaretto, a cosmopolitan mixer, a chocolate martini mixer and a pepermint martini mixer, which you most likely thought had alcohol in it, all four bottles were conveniently packed in double plastic. You took the whole bag and closed the trunk. As you walked away. pleased with your findings you patted yourself on the back for not scratching or breaking anything in the process. Even though a small part of you felt terrible for stealing from a stranger you reassured yourself that I would be grateful to have been robbed by you. You were curteous and delicate in your actions. And you are right. Any other thief would not have known my car so well, they would not have gained access so gingerly... they would have broken a window, the lock or left the trunk wide open. There were other things in the car too, worth more than the broken sunglasses that you did not steal and for all of this I AM grateful it was you. So, thank you... because of you I have nothing else valuable to steal and I feel safer when I park now. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Erinn